Man, I would, but I have shit to do

I used to always pick up the phone when it rang. Then one day I spent a weekend with a hippy and he said, “You know, you don’t have to. If you don’t want.” It changed my life, as anyone who’s ever tried to call me can attest.

One day I was making plans for my life, as one does, towards the end of college, and that included all the accommodations I’d have to make for baby-having. Then it struck me: you don’t have to, you know. If you don’t want to.

The angels came down from heaven and sang, the world opened up, a whole vistas of wonderful ways to waste my life opened before me. I’d never really wanted to. It was just an item on the to-do list.

Not having babies is like not picking up the phone. People might give you shit about it, but you don’t have to.